Last week I shared something on social media. It was a mini blog post that I wrote after receiving some abnormal test results. This is what I wrote:
Life with chronic illness is unpredictable. Sometimes the things we go through are truly scary, but other times we’re tempted to be afraid before we know all the facts, and that’s just wasted energy. Jesus tells us not to worry about tomorrow for tomorrow will bring its own worries (Matthew 6:34). In the context of that verse though, He’s really telling us that we don’t have to worry about anything.
It’s so easy to worry, isn’t it? There are just so many bad things that could happen. Yet worrying won’t change a thing. I can’t change a single circumstance by worrying about it. The devil would love nothing more than for us to worry. He wants to rob us of our peace and joy.
So what do we do when we’re tempted to worry? We can take our feelings to the Lord. For so long I tried to pretend they didn’t exist. I’d stuff them down and tell myself I’d deal with them later, but I never did. Now I give those thoughts and feelings to the Lord. I tell the Lord how I’m feeling and ask Him to help me keep my eyes on Him. I ask Him to refill my joy and peace. I ask Him to remind me of His truth. I remember that whatever happens, He can use it for good in my life and in the lives of others. I remember that, come good or bad, He’ll be right by my side. I will never have to walk through any difficulty alone.
Another thing we can do is reach out to friends and family and ask them to pray for us and with us. Sometimes it takes the faith of others to lift us up to the Father when we’re weary from the fight.
We can also combat the worry by praising God. I love to crank up the praise and worship music and flood my mind with the Lord so that there’s no room for worry.
And we can remember all the ways God has been faithful. We can remember the prayers He’s answered and the blessings He’s given us and know that He can do it again. Spending time listing things we’re grateful for will be a blessing to us now and in the future when we need to look back at those good things. What are you thankful for?
A few days later I was admitted to the hospital. I spent three days getting pumped full of so many fluids I puffed up like a marshmallow and the nurses and doctors said I looked like Popeye! Don’t believe me? Here’s a picture my mom took when she was visiting. I know I look buff, but that’s all swelling and fluids under there!
The doctors in the hospital thought I had Rhabdomyolysis. Their best guess was from an intense workout session. However, not everything fit that diagnosis and timing. I had a follow up with my primary care physician this week and he also had questions. I’ve been a medical mystery before and it seems that’s the case again.
Perhaps it was Rhabdo, but I had an abnormal response to it. But perhaps it’s something else. That’s what we’re trying to figure out. I follow up again with my doctor either today or next week depending on how I’m feeling. Honestly, I felt pretty good when I was in the hospital and a lot worse since coming home. However, I’m thrilled they let me come home on my birthday.
Since then I’ve been getting a lot of rest and reflecting on what I wrote before I went into the hospital. I still believe there is nothing to worry about. Even though I’m facing something mysterious and not so fun, I saw God’s hand at work over and over this past week. I saw nothing short of the miraculous.
My crazy high numbers were caught in my yearly labs for my yearly rheumatology appointment. I had rescheduled that appointment twice due to being quarantined for 24 days. My dad had a mild case of Covid and because I tested negative twice I had to quarantine 14 days after his ended. If I hadn’t had to reschedule this appointment for last week, I wouldn’t have known I was sick. I thought I was a little sore from my workout, I had no idea how sick I was.
God arranged that. He also arranged for me to be in a hospital that used an ultrasound to find my veins for my two IV lines and every single blood draw (and there were a lot) besides the first one. This was such a gift because my veins are tiny and poking them causes me great pain. I had some pain, but it was the least amount possible. And I didn’t have massive bruising as they didn’t have to poke around in there to find the veins.
One of the nurses thought to bring me compresses for my arms to help with the swelling. It worked! And it gave me and mom a great excuse to take some funny mummy pictures.
I don’t know what the future holds, but I know that God is there. He will help me walk any path I need to walk for His glory. I have felt Him with me every step of the way and I know that if He’s allowing me to go through this, it’s for a reason. I have nothing to fear because He is with me and I know that He loves me so much.
He loves you too. If you’re going through a trial, look for the ways God is working in the midst of it and know that He will walk with you on this journey if you want Him to. He’ll even give you joy for the journey. It’s a mystery how we can experience joy in the midst of difficult times, but it’s a beautiful mystery, isn’t it?
How have you seen God working in your life lately? I’d love to know! Drop me a comment with a praise or a prayer request.
I don’t know how much I’ll be on social media in the days ahead. I don’t know if I’ll have the energy to write a blog post next week. Sometimes we need to step back, rest, and extend some grace to ourselves. I need to do that right now. If you do too, it’s okay. Rest isn’t the enemy, often it’s just what we need to be victorious!
Until next time,