Chronic Illness

The Fight Before the Fight (Part 2)

I have the best readers! After last week’s post, the love, support, and encouragement poured in. I appreciate you all so much. If you missed The Fight Before the Fight (Part 1) you can read it here.

When we left off last week, I was having it out with God when He met me in some special ways. I’m a very visual person and as you know I love phototography and putting quotes on pictures. So it should come as no surprise that God brought to mind a couple of photo quotes that I’ve made for Broken but Priceless Ministries.

Don’t you love it when God uses the very gifts and talents He gave us to encourage us when we need it the most?

God reminded me of the truth found in His Word, the Bible. He reminded me of the truth found in words that years before He gave me to encourage others – and now He’s using those words to encourage me.

God reminded me that joy is a choice, but He’s the one who has to give it to me. That night I chose, once again, to accept God’s gift of joy. At this point I was starting to feel God’s peace. I rolled over in bed and my eyes landed on one of my favorite photographs.

A giant Tree of Light canvas hangs on the wall in my room. It takes up about half the wall and at night the light from the plug-in under my desk shines on it and illuminates it in an interesting green light. I’ve always liked this photo because the spring leaves appear to be illuminated. The light reflects off of the leaves and enhances their beauty.

As I was looking at this tree, I told God that I wanted to be like the tree of light. I wanted His light to reflect off of me like the sun reflected off the leaves on this tree. I wanted people to be able to see God’s Son, Jesus, reflected in my life. Before I was done praying I fell asleep. That’s when God gave me a crazy dream.

The Dream

It was one of those dreams that was so realistic that I wasn’t sure it was a dream when I woke up. As the cobwebs cleared, I knew that it was not just a dream, but something so much more.

In my dream I was in the tiny shower in my tiny upstairs bathroom. (I know, a super weird location. You can talk to God about that if you think it’s indecent!) I was standing under the hot water and I felt so weak. My legs were going out on me and I was sinking to the bottom of the shower. The room was getting dark. In my dream I knew that if I allowed myself to hit the bottom of that shower, I would drown.

I fought with everything that was in me to reach for the shower handle. I used it to pull myself up and turn off the water. By this time, it was completely dark in my windowless bathroom. I grabbed my towel off the hook, wrapped it around me, and stumbled for the light switch. I could feel that it was on, but it wasn’t working.

I reached across the room to the other wall and felt around until I found the breaker on the outlet. It was popped out so I pushed it back in, but it was still dark.

I thought about opening the bathroom door to let in light and cool air. I thought I should unlock the door in case I passed out and that way my parents could get to me. But something held me back and I left the door locked while I felt for the light switch again.

This time, the light switch had dimmer sliders along side them, like our lights in the basement. I tried to push up on the sliders, but they were stuck. I pushed and pushed until they slowly slid up and the room brightened.

As the lights came back on, a peep hole appeared in the door. I looked out the peep hole and saw a large wolf outside my door (at this point in my dream, my upstairs bathroom was suddenly on the ground floor and on an outside wall). The wolf was growling and snarling as it paced the grass outside my door. If I had opened that door earlier, it would have eaten me alive before I knew what hit me.

I peered out the peep hole one more time and I saw tons of neighbors building a large fence. There were so many people working on it, it was coming up quickly. I knew the purpose of the fence was to keep the wolf contained so he couldn’t get at me and shred me to pieces.

And that’s when I woke up.

What It All Means

I think I even said, “Wow, God!” when I woke up. This may seem like a random and weird dream, but I knew exactly what God was trying to tell me.

God was reminding me that I had a choice. I could give in to the darkness, fall to that shower floor, and drown in my sorrow. I could let my circumstances win. I could let the evil one win the fight for my life, or I could choose to stand up and fight. I could choose to reach out to the Lord and ask Him to fight for me.

God was reminding me that even though things may seem dark, the light hadn’t gone out completely. I had allowed the light to be dimmed by life’s circumstances, but it was still there because the darkness can never extinguish the light. The light of Christ will always overcome the darkness. (John 1:5)

I was also reminded that the enemy wants to destroy me. 1 Peter 5:8 says, “Stay alert! Watch out for your great enemy, the devil. He prowls around like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour.” In my dream I knew the wolf was Satan and he wanted to devour me. But God kept me safe and He sent friends to help me.

The neighbors who were building the fence in my dream reminded me that I need prayer warriors. I can’t fight this fight alone. I need you, and I need to Lord to fight with and for me. When we are weak, God is strong. When one part of the body of Christ is struggling, we can be supported by brothers and sisters of Christ who will fight for us when we’re too tired to fight for ourselves.

In this dream I fought. I was fighting for my life – physically, spiritually, and emotionally.

I feel like God allowed me to fight in a dream because He knew how weak I was. I didn’t even realize that I was that weak. I didn’t realize the extent of the spiritual battle that was going on for my life. I didn’t realize what was at stake.

I didn’t realize, but God did. He met me in ways that were so uniquely personal to who He made me to be. He did what I couldn’t do. He did what I didn’t know had to be done.

I told Him I couldn’t do it. I told Him I didn’t have any strength left. I told Him I needed Him. He did the rest.

Friends, if you’re in a battle, if you’re feeling weak, if you’re overwhelmed by life, there is hope. You don’t have to fix everything yourself, you just have to tell God that you need Him. He’ll meet you in ways that are uniquely personal to the person He has made you to be.

The battle ahead is going to be hard fought. It’s not going to be easy at all. I’ve had a taste of the fight, and it’s miserable. But the fight before the fight has been won, and this next fight will be won too. I have confidence in the victory that has already been won on the cross, in the Jesus who lives in me and fights for me, and in the prayers of God’s people. Onward and upward!

Until next time,


“Jesus spoke to the people once more and said, ‘I am the light of the world. If you follow me, you won’t have to walk in darkness, because you will have the light that leads to life.’” ~John 8:12

About Author

I'm the author of "Howie's Broken Hee-Haw," a photographer, and lover of all things adventurous. I'll walk alongside you and help you discover joy for your journey and freedom in Christ!


  • cssbaker
    February 20, 2020 at 9:26 pm

    Amen, Josie! “You don’t have to fix everything yourself, you just have to tell God that you need Him. He’ll meet you in ways that are uniquely personal to the person He has made you to be.” Thank you for sharing your experience with us. 🙂

    • Josie Siler
      February 20, 2020 at 9:56 pm

      Thanks for stopping by, Cathy! You’re welcome! 🙂

  • Jenny Knipfer
    February 21, 2020 at 12:02 pm

    Thanks for sharing this Josie! At a pivotal point in my I had a realistic dream too. I had gone through a serious bought with depression, and I had considered doing something drastic. That night I had a dream. A man came and sat on a boulder and talked to me. We were in a familiar area in a field on the farm I grew up on. He looked like some dude off the street, until he spoke these words, “Just live for His beauty.” After saying this he transformed into light and disappeared. I woke up. It felt so real. I got up and wrote a song about my experience. That dream lives as a memory in my mind, one I will never forget. I think the same will be true for you. Praise God, that He gives us what we need when we need it.

    • Josie Siler
      February 21, 2020 at 12:43 pm

      I love how God meets us just where we are at and gives us just what we need when we need it. He’s so good! I saw you posted a song today, is that the one I saw you shared on Facebook? I’ll have to listen to it!


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