I Messed Up

Have you ever made a mistake that was completely preventable, yet you messed it up anyway? When you realize what you’ve done, you get that feeling in the pit of your stomach that just makes you feel sick. I think we’ve all had that experience in life. I had it again this week.

It was Wednesday morning and I was getting ready for a Zoom call to discuss edits on my next picture book. I had a hard time falling asleep the night before. I felt like a kid the night before Christmas. I was so excited to see what my experienced picture book author friend thought of my story and discuss ways to make it better.

That morning I took a shower and spent time putting on makeup, doing my hair, and picking out just the right outfit. I know it was just a Zoom call, but my friend always looks so nice and I didn’t want to look like a bum. I wanted to present myself as a professional. Put together, and all that.

I left my phone charging downstairs and a few minutes before our appointed meeting time, I went down to get it. That’s when I saw all the messages.

I immediately realized my error. We live in different time zones. I felt sick.

I sent a message right away and went up to my office. We had a power glitch that morning and my computer was off. Restarting it seemed to take forever. I finally got on the Zoom call, but I was too late.

I missed it.

I sat there staring at my computer in my shame and guilt, feeling terrible. I had hired her, yet I left her waiting. Her time is valuable, and I wasted it.

At first I thought I forgot about the time zone difference, but I was sure we had talked about it. I went back and looked at our emails and sure enough, we had. My error came not that morning, but a couple weeks earlier when I simply wrote the meeting time down wrong – on both of my calendars!

A battle raged in my mind. It was a mistake, pure and simple. I’m human, mistakes happen. Yet it was completely preventable. If I had double checked the original message before the meeting like I usually do, I would have been on time. If I had my phone on me, I would have seen the messages and not missed the meeting.

“If only” thoughts swirled through my brain while the devil tried to tell me I was a failure.

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Goodness, such a battle for a simple mistake! My friend wasn’t phased at all. She forgave me, sent written edits, and offered to reschedule the meeting if I had questions after reading her suggestions. She offered me grace so freely, so why was I having such a hard time offering it to myself?

Friends, the devil will take any opportunity to bring us down. I was tired. I hadn’t slept well and I was feeling overwhelmed. I was an easy target.

So what did I do? I sat right there at my desk and talked to the Lord. I reminded myself of who I am in Jesus Christ. I combatted the lies of the evil one with the truth found in God’s Word. I extended grace to myself – and forced myself to accept it!

I’m not going to lie, I was in a bit of a funk all day. But throughout the day I would intentionally remind myself of truth. I am forgiven. I am a child of God, a daughter of the King. I am valuable, treasured, precious. I am loved unconditionally.

By the end of the day I had sent the lies packing, but it took effort. I had to intentionally replace the lies with truth. I had to remind myself of who I am and how God sees me. As I allowed God to fill my mind with thoughts of Him instead of failure, I was able to move forward with joy.

Next time you make a mistake and get that sick feeling in the pit of your stomach, be quick to offer yourself grace. And just in case you need a reminder of the truth found in God’s Word, here are some of my favorite verses to read and keep close:

“There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. For the law of the Spirit of life has set you free in Christ Jesus from the law of sin and death.” Romans 8:1-2, ESV

“For you did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received the Spirit of adoption as sons, by whom we cry, ‘Abba! Father!’ The Spirit himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God.” Romans 8:15-16

“Now may our Lord Jesus Christ himself, and God our Father, who loved us and gave us eternal comfort and good hope through grace, comfort your hearts and establish them in every good work and word.” 2 Thessalonians 2:16-17

“Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” 2 Corinthians 12:8-10

Do you have a favorite verse you turn to when you need a reminder of truth or a shot of joy? I’d love to hear what it is! Leave me a comment and let me know.

Until next time,

Josie