Chronic Illness / Holiday Musings

Hard Times and A New Perspective

Have you ever felt God calling you to do something, but everything seems to go wrong? God has clearly called me to write, and here it’s been almost a full year since my last blog post. Honestly, I’m not sure how that happened. I guess it could be summed up like this: it’s been a hard year.

I dealt with a lot of illness this year and that’s why I initially took a break from my blog. Never did I imagine the break would be this long. Sometimes life comes out of nowhere to sabotage you and all you can do is hold on for dear life! Have you been there?

After several extended trips to a health center this fall, my family and I decided it would be best for me to live closer so that I can get more consistent treatments as well as start a new type of treatment at a different facility. So I moved.

But here’s the thing, I didn’t know I would be moving. At the time, I was staying with a wonderful host family and had a suitcase full of clothes to my name plus the new outfit I bought for job interviews. I went to appointments and job hunted for weeks before I landed my dream job – working part-time at a bookstore! I had one day of training and then they let me go home for a week over Thanksgiving to pack up some things.

Friends, you can’t pack up a three bedroom house in a week. Especially if you struggle with health issues! So I marked and labeled things and headed back to my new job, a new living situation at an Airbnb, and the continued challenge of apartment hunting.

A couple of weeks ago I finally found a fantastic little studio apartment with great security in the perfect location. My sweet dad packed up a vehicle and drove down as much stuff as he could fit and helped me move into my new place. I’ve been sleeping on an air mattress and lounging on foam pads on the floor. It’s actually been fun, kind of like glamping! (That being said, I’m SO ready for furniture!)

The Scruffy Princess wants to come too!

But you guys, moving over the holidays isn’t for the faint of heart. As I sat alone in my cute little studio apartment on Christmas day, I couldn’t help but reflect.

For a few days, I thought I would have to spend Christmas alone. I can’t lie, there were some tears, but I felt God reminding me to trust Him. Then I got a text from a new friend who invited me to spend Christmas Eve with her and her family. They even invited me to spend the night! I had such a wonderful time and the ache of loneliness lifted for a time.

This has been such a hard season in some ways, but in others, it has been the very best. As I feel moments of loneliness I can’t help but wonder how baby Jesus felt that first night here on earth. He was just a baby, but was He lonely? Could He feel in His little baby spirit that He was now in the very world His Father created out of nothing? Did He understand that He was now one of the humans He watched God form from dust and rib? Did He know even then that He would suffer and die the most horrible death in order to save us all?

And what about God? How did He feel as He sent His only Son into such a harsh world – a world that would mock, torture, and kill His Beloved? How His heart must have hurt to be parted from Jesus in that way. What a great sacrifice our Lord made – for us.

God has given me the smallest example of His sacrifice this season. You see, my family is packing up my house. They’ve been working for weeks, separating things into piles of things to bring to me, things to store, and things to get rid of. We’ve probably spent hours on the phone as they go from room to room asking about individual items.

Screenshot from the security camera – I may or may not have been watching from afar!

Just tonight the U-Haul was loaded and tomorrow they’ll come with my furniture and the rest of my things. It’s a helpless and humbling feeling knowing how hard they are working and the sacrifices they have made for me. They don’t have to do this, but they love me so much that they’re willing to sacrifice their time, their bodies, and so much energy – all so that I can be in the place I need to be to get healthier. My thanks will never be enough, but it’s all I have to give.

It’s a small taste of the sacrifice God made for us. He sacrificed everything, His very Son, and all we can do is accept His gift of Jesus Christ and be thankful. Salvation is a gift that is freely given to all who will accept it. Please, friends, don’t miss out. Accept the gift of Jesus today.

Thank You, Lord, for sending Your Beloved Son to this earth. Thank You for loving me enough to send Jesus to take my place, to die on the cross for my sins. I accept the gift You’ve given me, Lord. I trade my life for Jesus’ life in me. I love You, Lord, and I want to get to know You. Please reveal Yourself to me and guide my life. Amen.

Merry Christmas, friends, and a blessed New Year.

Until next time,


About Author

I'm the author of "Howie's Broken Hee-Haw," a photographer, and lover of all things adventurous. I'll walk alongside you and help you discover joy for your journey and freedom in Christ!

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